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In
the beginning...
Suggestions for Helping Yourself through Grief
This title is not meant to indicate that others in our
lives do not help us through grief. We need the help of friends and
relatives and may need the help of a pastoral counselor. At the same
time, it is important for us to make efforts to help ourselves, too.
The basic advice is to be gentle with yourself. Remember that a lot
of energy is being used for healing. Treat yourself with the same care
and affection that you would offer a good friend who had someone close
to them die. Most of us are aware of “love your neighbor”--we
forget the part “as you love yourself”. Not all suggestions
will be helpful to everyone. Grief has its unique side. Choose the ideas
that appeal to you.
- Go gently. Don’t rush too much. Your body needs
energy for repair.
- Don’t take on new responsibilities right away.
Don’t overextend. Keep decision making to a minimum.
- Accept help and support when offered.
- Ask for help---our family/friends can’t read
our minds. It is okay to need comforting.
- Seek help of a pastoral counselor if grief is unresolved.
- REST - MORE REST - go to bed earlier.
- Seek support of others. Invite a friend/relative for
dinner or overnight; visit a friend, invite a neighbor over, and possibly
meet new people.
- If Sundays, holidays, etc. are especially difficult
times, schedule activities that you find particularly comforting into
these time periods.
- Be patient with yourself! Healing takes time.
- Lean into the pain. It cannot be outrun. Let the grief/healing
process run its full course.
- Remember it is okay to feel depressed.
- It is good to cry. You feel better afterwards.
- Read. There are many helpful books on grief. If grief
is understood, it is a little easier to handle.
- Good nutrition is important to help the healing process.
(Decrease junk food and try to eat a balanced meal).
- Moderate exercise helps (even walking), tennis, swimming,
exercise classes offer an opportunity to work off frustration.
- Keep a journal. It is a good way to understand what
you are feeling/thinking.
- Plan new interests: join a tennis group, read a novel/mystery,
take a class (crafts, skills, self-awareness), learn and do something
new, rediscover old interests, activities and friends.
- Plan things to look forward to: a trip, visit, lunch
with a special friend.
- Do something for someone else: call a friend and listen,
talk to lonely, reachout to the hurting, listen to ignored, volunteer
for organizations, visit nursing home residents.
- Do things a little differently, yet try not to make
a lot of changes. This sounds like a contradiction, but it is not.
- Pray to the person who has died.
- Remember you will get better. Hold on to hope. Some
days you just exist, but the better days will be back. You will develop
a renewed sense of purpose gradually.
- It is okay to be angry---don’t push it down---let
it out. Hit a pillow, swim, exercise, hit a punching bag, scream.
- Other ideas: Take a hot relaxing bath, bask in the
sun, take time for yourself, go to a movie, a play, go out dinner.
- Do not have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Grief
takes TIME. It comes and goes.
- Find quotes/posters that are helpful to you and post
where you can see them.
- Simply stated, put balance in your life: read, rest,
work, pray, and recreation.
Family Life Education
New York
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